I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE