Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
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Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"