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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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