note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.