The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.