His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis