His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis