If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!