If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!