If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"