He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?