I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.