some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?