Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk