i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.