i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it