please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it