He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?