She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia