Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname