I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."