Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"