i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me