Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.