I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.