he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.