he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.