im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
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You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What should our trivia night team be named?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
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can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'