why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.