why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.