my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she pinky promised me she was 18
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
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we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal