Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
someone owes me an orgasm
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.