you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?