Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.