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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
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