Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.