Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag