Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?