He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.