Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
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I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
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your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight