4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
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Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME