You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.