Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oregon (971)

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  this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word

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  (971): this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word http://tfl.nu/bykc
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  :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"

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  (971): :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out" http://tfl.nu/uf6x
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  He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

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  (971): He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex. http://tfl.nu/3zjj
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  eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them

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  (971): eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them http://tfl.nu/lmi8
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  I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.

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  (971): I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again. http://tfl.nu/g2lj
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  I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.

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  (971): I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger. http://tfl.nu/97wz
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  Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?

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  (971): Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life? http://tfl.nu/shks
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  I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity

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  (971): I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity http://tfl.nu/5clm
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  He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.

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  (971): He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character. http://tfl.nu/w2hk
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  You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.

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  (971): You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified. http://tfl.nu/imja
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  I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.

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  (971): I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa. http://tfl.nu/0b4p
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  Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.

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  (971): Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin. http://tfl.nu/6hx6
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  the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?

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  (971): the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together? http://tfl.nu/xjvt
  Replies (38) Good night (5750) Bad night (1549)
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  Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.

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  (971): Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them. http://tfl.nu/y8vc
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  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

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  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
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