I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.