I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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