my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think this conversation is over.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!