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SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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