I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.