I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.