hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift