I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
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Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE