I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE