and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
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he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..