WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.