I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My brain says no but my pants say off.