he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.