seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight