Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.